With summer prolonging its official debut here in New York, I embraced a fleeting a moment of sunshine this weekend and headed over to McCarren Park in Williamsburg to read in the grass. Except I spent more time doing what I do best, people watching, (which is actually best done hungover with friends since the only physical exertion involved is staring and letting immediate judgments dribble out your mouth without a hint of tact or remorse).
Therefore, I present to you, a day in the park condensed in quick judgmental equations:
Guy with two yappy dogs = not single
Middle-aged woman slowly walking her bike on a designated bike path = mother reluctant to return home
Couple laughing while staring at guy in neon sunglasses and purple ball cap = hungover too
Guy with ponytail in black and white bowling shirt and faded black denim shorts, lying in grass with handheld device = misses early Metallica/Legend of Zelda
Girl in gingham plaid, carrying a wicker picnic basket and white fluffy dog = not Dorothy
Gay couple suspiciously carrying a Gap bag when there isn't a Gap for miles = eco-conscious lushes without any other plastic bags around the house to transport the bottle of wine they opened for dinner last night and planned to finish for lunch today
Girl putting down her notebook and glancing at the unopened novel beside her = ready for a nap
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